Recently, I placed a framed picture of my mom above my desk. The picture is probably 15 years old which freaks me out. It freaks me out the oldness of it. And how old that makes me.
A few weeks ago, I took the picture out of its outdated frame and put it in a newer, cooler frame which is all metal and heavy. When you pick it up, it has some real heft to it.
So she now stares out at me smiling more than she usually did in pictures wearing a print dress she looked great in. I remember that day because I took the picture in our backyard after church when I was still mostly a kid.
A few things.
I just want to send it out to the world and the universe today that I miss her. I miss her everyday and I think of her everyday.
I want to say that I'm sorry it took me so long to settle down and she will never know her grandson or any future grandchildren because of it.
When I look at that picture, I can see her picking up my son and holding him and I can feel how happy she would have been.
I also want to admit I was too stoic at times with her because I felt like if she knew I was afraid of her cancer, she would be afraid.
She was one of those rare genuinely good people with a great sense of humor and she always did the right thing.
I don't know what else to say.
I really like looking at that picture.
